Chapter 231: I Grant You All-Beings Equality
Fang Lizhe’s current appearance was utterly impossible to reconcile with the skinny youth in Zhou Kai’s memory.
Zhou Kai’s eye twitched. He suppressed the rising tide of weirdness in his chest and stepped aside.
“Come in first.”
He led the iron-tower couple into the cave abode with palpable displeasure, casually ordering Chuntao and Xiahe to serve tea.
The two girls stifled their giggles, retreating to the side with light steps, their curious eyes glued to this bizarre pair of Dao Companions.
The elegant, refined furnishings of Zhou Kai’s cave abode clashed violently with Fang Lizhe’s wild aesthetic. Standing in the center of the room, the two looked like barbarians who had stormed an immortal’s palace. Zhou Kai felt his spiritual flowers and exotic plants suddenly smelled faintly of roasted meat.
Zhou Kai took a seat, tapping his fingers on the jade table. He scrutinized them.
“Your physique… and your wife’s…” He paused, searching for a diplomatic adjective. “…magnificent stature. Did you cultivate a special technique?”
He was genuinely curious. But mostly, he was bewildered by this catastrophic aesthetic choice.
The question was a spark in a powder keg.
Fang Lizhe’s eyes erupted with fanatical light. He had been waiting for this moment to preach the gospel!
BOOM!
He stood up, gripping the hilt of his door-sized greatsword with one hand as if it were a twig. He struck a pose of earth-shattering power.
The roaring tiger head at his waist throbbed in time with his flexing muscles.
“Big Brother!”
His voice boomed like a temple bell, shaking dust from the ceiling.
“This is no ordinary technique! This is the Ultimate Great Dao, comprehended by me, Fang Lizhe, through iron will and supreme wisdom!”
He took a breath.
“The Vajra Indestructible Battle Body Muscle Tyranny Ultimate Secret! The Annihilation Chaos Shattering Extremity Breaking World All-Beings Equality Great Blade!”
Chuntao and Xiahe lost it. They burst into giggles, covering their mouths as their faces turned beet red.
Fang Lizhe’s partner, Duan Tietang, nodded vigorously. “Brother Lizhe’s secret art is invincible under the Heavens!”
Fang Lizhe preened under the praise. He raised his greatsword high, the cold steel illuminating the cave abode.
“Gods, Demons, Ghosts, or the Gales of the Nine Heavens—before my All-Beings Equality Blade, all are cleaved in two!”
“Use strength to break techniques! The Blade alone is supreme! The union of muscle and steel is the only flawless Dao in this world!”
“Brother Lizhe! The Blade is Life!” Duan Tietang roared in support, fists clenched, eyes burning with the same madness.
The greatsword pointed at the ceiling, its wind pressure dimming the moonlight stones on the walls.
However, at the peak of his momentum, the mini tiger head at his waist—squeezed to its limit by his flexing abs—finally gave up the ghost.
Plop.
The stitching snapped. The fierce little tiger head tumbled down, bouncing off his massive instep.
Thankfully, it was just a decoration. Otherwise, a real tiger might have been unleashed.
Zhou Kai felt a vein in his temple throbbing. His brain felt like it was swelling against his skull.
The scraping of the sword. The chuunibyou philosophy. The confident, utter stupidity on their faces. It was a cocktail of spiritual pollution injected straight into his soul.
He raised a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off the headache.
“Speak. What do you want?”
Fang Lizhe scratched his head. He sheathed the sword, the fanatical aura vanishing instantly, replaced by a simple, honest grin. “Nothing much! I heard Big Brother returned to the Sect, so I came to visit!”
Nothing?
The expression on Zhou Kai’s face cracked, then froze into ice.
He thought of the shy, willing Chuntao and Xiahe. He thought of the scented air, the mood, the interrupted bliss.
All for your “nothing much”?
A nameless fire roared to life in his gut.
He snapped.
“Very good.”
Zhou Kai stood up slowly. He forced a smile onto his face—a smile devoid of warmth.
In the next instant, his Qi surged. A giant palm condensed from thin air, snatching the grinning Fang Lizhe off the floor.
“B-Big Brother?” Fang Lizhe blinked, confused.
Zhou Kai ignored him. He hauled the giant out of the cave abode and shot straight into the clouds.
“I’ll teach you to ruin my good time!”
THUD!
A solid punch slammed into Fang Lizhe’s proud pectoral muscle.
“I’ll teach you Vajra Indestructible!”
THUD!
Another punch. Fang Lizhe saw stars.
“I’ll teach you Annihilation Shattering World!”
THUD! THUD! THUD!
“I’ll teach you All-Beings Equality!”
High in the sky, Zhou Kai’s True Body threw punches that broke the sound barrier. His vast Vitality condensed into dark red halos on his fists. Every strike landed with a meaty thud, targeting Fang Lizhe’s acupoints with surgical cruelty.
Meanwhile, his Cicada Robe Doppelganger moved like a ghost, darting around the giant, flicking fingers to disrupt his chaotic Qi flow.
Fists like collapsing mountains. Fingers sealing power. The combo left Fang Lizhe utterly defenseless.
“OW! Big Brother! Stop hitting! I was wrong! I’m really wrong!”
Fang Lizhe’s miserable screams echoed through the clouds. His Ultimate Great Dao seemed pathetic under Zhou Kai’s iron fists.
BOOM!
With a massive crash, the heavy door-sized greatsword spun out of the sky. It slammed into the plaza outside Zhou Kai’s cave abode, sinking feet deep into the stone, the hilt humming like a tuning fork.
Duan Tietang and the maids rushed out just in time to see it.
Duan Tietang stared, mouth agape. She looked up at the figure being used as a punching bag in the sky, then down at the buried sword. Her worldview crumbled.
Brother Lizhe… what about the Invincible Secret Art?
After a thoroughly satisfying beating, Zhou Kai threw the bruised, battered, and muscle-strained Fang Lizhe onto the ground.
Fang Lizhe lay sprawled like a dead fish, groaning.
Zhou Kai dusted off his hands. He looked down with cold eyes.
“Now. Do you still think your muscles and your blade are the Ultimate Great Dao?”
Fang Lizhe lifted his swollen head. The fanaticism was gone, replaced by grievance and confusion. “Big Brother… why?”
“Idiot!” Zhou Kai scolded mercilessly. “You think turning your muscles into iron lumps makes you strong?”
“What use is this meat-suit besides intimidation? Your Vitality leaks like a sieve! Flashy but hollow! Thirty percent of your strength is wasted on posturing!”
He kicked Fang Lizhe’s arm.
“Your defense is full of holes. If you meet a Soul Cultivator or a Blood Demon, you are just a big, juicy target. You wouldn’t even know how you died!”
Duan Tietang ran over to help Fang Lizhe up. Though she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, seeing her man beaten so badly—and hearing Zhou Kai’s lecture—made her realize something was wrong.
She supported Fang Lizhe but kept her head lowered, too terrified to meet Zhou Kai’s gaze.
“Scrap that trash technique. With the No Word Scripture as a foundation, rebuilding won’t be hard.”
Zhou Kai’s tone brooked no argument. “Retract your leaking Vitality. Temper your bones and tendons. Refine your internal organs. Your Qi cultivation is higher than your Body Cultivation, you moron! Properly cultivate your family’s Delusional Dao Cicada Scripture!”
“As for body refinement and blade techniques… Big Brother will find them for you.”
Finished, Zhou Kai didn’t spare them another glance. He turned and walked back into his cave abode.
His mood was ruined. He just wanted some peace and quiet.
“The ‘Roaming Dragon White Jade Body’ is too low-tier. Only the movement art is decent. Can I teach the ‘Five Emperors Prison Suppression Sutra’ to an outsider? Probably not. As for blades…”
Zhou Kai’s mind conjured an image of Xie Zhifei—disheveled hair, long blade at his waist.
“I should see if I can trade for a blade manual from him.”
“Wait a minute. Why am I spending my resources to train Li Youci’s Guardian?”
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