Who Let Him Cultivate?

Who Let Him Cultivate?

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Synopsis

Lu Yang just wanted to be a badass sword immortal. Instead, his master made him bench-press water vats, fight with indestructible fried dough sticks, and practice deadly swordplay by carving raw tofu.

Transmigrating into the world’s most powerful—and objectively most unhinged—immortal sect, Lu Yang quickly realizes that traditional cultivation rules don’t apply to him. Armed with a mutated Sword Spirit Root, a tactical parachute (because he’s terrified of flying swords), and a group of equally eccentric friends, he completely derails every Xianxia trope in existence.

From poisoning skin-stealing ghosts with foot fungus to opening a wildly successful late-night BBQ shop just to spy on a demonic cult, Lu Yang proves one thing: giving a modern mind magical powers was a terrible mistake.

A hilarious, action-packed comedy that redefines the cultivation world!

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Chapter 86: The Mole Hidden in the Government

“With so many people suddenly acting like they haven’t slept in a decade, could the Reverse Longevity Talismans have already started draining the lifespans of the mortal populace?”

Lan Ting shook her head. “That is not the case. Lifespan is the primordial anchor of existence; it cannot be shaken so easily. Based on your description, the populace has only begun exhibiting lethargy over the past few days. This is merely the prelude. It will take at least half a month before the actual siphoning of their life force begins.”

“The formal process of absorbing lifespan is agonizingly slow and nearly impossible to detect.”

“However,” she added, her tone darkening, “there is a method to forcibly activate the Reverse Longevity Talisman.”

“And that method would be?” Lu Yang pressed, his tone entirely too eager for a supposedly righteous disciple.

Lan Ting’s expression turned grave. “By using the Reverse Longevity Talismans as anchor nodes, one can construct a Reverse Longevity Formation. With human blood serving as the catalyst, there is no need to wait half a month. The grand array can be violently activated, instantly harvesting the lifespans of mortals to fuel the caster’s own cultivation!”

In truth, the mechanics of the Reverse Longevity Talisman and its corresponding formation were exceedingly obscure. Only a handful of ancient, dust-choked tomes contained any record of them. Furthermore, because the talisman was a genuine, undisputed tool of the demonic path, any text documenting it was strictly classified as forbidden. Even erudite grandmasters of formation arrays might have only heard the name in passing, completely unable to recognize its intricate runic patterns.

It was only because Lan Ting hailed from the prestigious Moon Laurel Palace that she possessed the clearance to access such forbidden archives.

She claimed to merely “dabble” in the art of formations, but the sheer depth of arcane theory she was casually dropping suggested her definition of “dabbling” involved a master’s degree in forbidden arts.

“That being said,” Lan Ting continued, “the individual who drafted these talismans likely does not know how to construct the Reverse Longevity Formation. Before the formation is fully activated, there shouldn’t even be signs of drowsiness; it is designed to be perfectly concealed. Then again, it is entirely possible that the formation is currently in the middle of being set up and simply hasn’t been completed yet.”

Meng Jingzhou and Man Gu listened from the sidelines, the grim reality dawning on them. The fact that the entire population of Yanjiang County was currently fighting off unnatural exhaustion meant that these Reverse Longevity Talismans were already hidden in every corner of the city!

Whoever was operating in the shadows had terrifyingly grand ambitions.

“Once this Reverse Longevity Formation is activated, how high could it elevate the caster’s cultivation?”

Lan Ting shook her head again. “It is impossible to say. It entirely depends on the sheer volume of lifespan the array manages to devour. We lack the data to make an estimate.”

“Let’s move. We’re checking the Big Stone Bridge. There might be more of them planted there!” Lu Yang commanded, rallying the other three.

To the west of Yanjiang County flowed a mighty body of water known as the Hidden Dragon River. The section that carved through the county boasted a gentle, meandering current, making it a popular spot for leisure and boating. It was the county’s premier scenic attraction, and the very namesake of “Yanjiang” itself.

The “Big Stone Bridge” mentioned by Lu Zhi—the spectacularly unsuccessful burglar from the night before—was located right over this river.

It was the dead of night. The banks of the Hidden Dragon River were entirely deserted. The four of them descended upon the Big Stone Bridge, scouring every arch, crevice, and cobblestone, but they failed to uncover a single new Reverse Longevity Talisman.

“Clearly, our mastermind isn’t a complete idiot,” Lu Yang muttered. “No one double-parks a demonic array in the same location.”

Early the next morning, Constable Wei marched into the office of Chief Constable Fang Qingyun.

“Xiao Wei, what brings you to my desk?”

“Master, have you noticed that recently, the citizens of Yanjiang County are universally passing out early in the evening and failing to wake up in the morning?”

Fang Qingyun nodded sagely. “I have indeed observed this phenomenon. I suspect it is a macroeconomic issue. The cost of living in Yanjiang County has skyrocketed, yet wages remain stagnant. The crushing weight of socioeconomic pressure is forcing the populace to exhaust themselves during the day just to survive, leading to profound physical fatigue.”

Constable Wei rubbed his temples, a look of profound physical fatigue crossing his own face as he carefully selected his next words. “Master… I know you are desperate for a promotion and have been binge-reading socio-economic scrolls to pad your administrative resume, but has it ever occurred to you that you are fundamentally, spectacularly inept at civic development?”

“Spit it out or shut up!”

“…Right. Last night, a concerned citizen apprehended a thief attempting a burglary. According to the thief’s confession, he accidentally acquired a yellow talisman that induces severe lethargy, roughly capable of knocking out anyone within a hundred-and-sixty-foot radius.”

Constable Wei produced a wooden lockbox sealed with a restrictive paper strip, pulling the talisman from within.

The paper strip possessed a dampening effect. Wei had discovered that while the drowsiness-inducing talisman had no effect on him while sealed, it was devastatingly effective on ordinary mortals; every single guard on the night shift with him had face-planted into their desks.

He had no choice but to lock the cursed thing away.

“Do you recognize this?”

Fang Qingyun scrutinized the yellow paper for a long moment before shaking his head. “I do not. However, Prefect Li is a man of vast worldly experience. Perhaps he will know.”

When the two men finally located Prefect Li, the magistrate was buried beneath a mountain of administrative paperwork.

Both constables held Prefect Li in the highest regard. As a Golden Core stage cultivator, he had governed Yanjiang County for twenty years. Under his watchful eye, Yanjiang County hadn’t changed in the absolute slightest. Yet, whenever high-ranking officials descended for inspections, or whenever Prefect Li traveled to the capital to deliver his reports, Yanjiang County would miraculously present a flawless, utopian facade—as if two decades of absolute administrative paralysis had somehow yielded earth-shattering progress.

“Prefect Li, we have an urgent matter to report!” Fang Qingyun announced.

Prefect Li set aside his calligraphy brush and gestured for the two men to sit.

Constable Wei delivered a precise, unembellished report of the previous night’s events and presented the talisman for the Prefect’s inspection.

Prefect Li narrowed his eyes. He let out a soft hum of surprise, his mind churning as he dug through decades of memories. After several minutes of heavy silence, he finally spoke. “If my memory serves me correctly… this is a Reverse Longevity Talisman.”

“Thirty years ago, when I was tasked with purging demonic sects in Poyang County, I exchanged intelligence with colleagues from neighboring jurisdictions. One of them presented a talisman identical to this. He called it the Reverse Longevity Talisman—a vile construct capable of siphoning human lifespan and converting it directly into cultivation base. It is an undisputed, high-level demonic path artifact.”

Prefect Li’s aura shifted, the crushing weight of a Golden Core cultivator filling the room. “The Spring Plucking Festival is imminent. When it arrives, a massive influx of tourists from neighboring counties will flood our streets, bringing both mortals and cultivators alike. The Spring Plucking Festival is Yanjiang County’s premier external showcase. There cannot be a single flaw in our presentation! You are to apprehend the demonic cultists distributing these talismans before the festival begins!”

“These demonic degenerates are utterly lawless! They show absolutely zero regard for the imperial court!”

“Chief Constable Fang, you are to make this your highest priority. If these Reverse Longevity Talismans are allowed to reach critical mass, the fallout will be catastrophic!”

Then, Prefect Li’s tone shifted, seamlessly transitioning from righteous fury to bureaucratic pragmatism. “Of course, if you manage to apprehend the mastermind, it will be a monumental achievement. I will personally highlight your efforts in my report to the capital. Also, if at all possible, it would be best if you could just go ahead and achieve a breakthrough in your cultivation. That would make your promotion an absolute certainty.”

“Understood!”

“Dismissed. I have a budget meeting in five minutes.”

The following day, Lu Yang and his companions were preparing to hit the streets and hunt down the remaining Reverse Longevity Talismans. But before Lu Yang could even step out the door, an envoy from Branch Leader Chu arrived, summoning him immediately.

Lu Yang’s eyes narrowed. Why was Branch Leader Chu only calling for him? A spike of vigilance pierced his mind; the timing was entirely too suspicious.

Inside the hidden sanctum, Branch Leader Chu sat slouched upon a throne of carved jade, his head propped lazily against his fist. Behind his mask, his hoarse voice echoed through the chamber. “I hear you apprehended a petty thief last night. And that you confiscated a yellow talisman capable of inducing sleep?”

Lu Yang bowed, his posture the picture of respectful subservience. “Yes, Branch Leader. I suspect this yellow paper is the work of a fellow demonic practitioner. Naturally, my first instinct was to track down the creator, slaughter them, loot their corpse, and aggressively acquire their talisman-crafting intellectual property!”

Branch Leader Chu waved a dismissive hand. “Maintaining synergistic relations with the local authorities is a solid operational strategy, but stand down on this one. The government is launching a full-scale audit into the matter. A Golden Core cultivator has already taken the field. The truth will come to light shortly. Do not intervene further, lest you compromise your undercover status and drag yourself into the crossfire.”

“It is merely a sleep-inducing parlor trick. The risk-to-reward ratio simply doesn’t justify it.”

Lu Yang’s heart skipped a beat.

Branch Leader Chu knew about the events of last night by this morning. More importantly, he knew that a Golden Core cultivator—Prefect Li—was personally overseeing the investigation. That was a detail even Lu Yang hadn’t known.

The Yanjiang Branch had planted a mole deep within the government!

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