Who Let Him Cultivate?

Who Let Him Cultivate?

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Synopsis

Lu Yang just wanted to be a badass sword immortal. Instead, his master made him bench-press water vats, fight with indestructible fried dough sticks, and practice deadly swordplay by carving raw tofu.

Transmigrating into the world’s most powerful—and objectively most unhinged—immortal sect, Lu Yang quickly realizes that traditional cultivation rules don’t apply to him. Armed with a mutated Sword Spirit Root, a tactical parachute (because he’s terrified of flying swords), and a group of equally eccentric friends, he completely derails every Xianxia trope in existence.

From poisoning skin-stealing ghosts with foot fungus to opening a wildly successful late-night BBQ shop just to spy on a demonic cult, Lu Yang proves one thing: giving a modern mind magical powers was a terrible mistake.

A hilarious, action-packed comedy that redefines the cultivation world!

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Chapter 80: Stars and the Continent

Branch Leader Chu’s revelation struck the trio like a physical blow. Lu Yang, however, found his mind racing down far more terrifying avenues of thought.

Upon his initial onboarding into the Dao Seeking Sect, he had been handed a rudimentary topographical map. It depicted the sect’s territory spanning a staggering radius of thirty thousand miles. To put that into perspective: if one were to peel the crust off ten mundane planets and lay them flat, the sect would still eclipse them in sheer square footage.

Factoring in the apocalyptic capabilities of Void Refinement and Body Integration masters detailed in ancient texts, only a sandbox of such cosmic proportions could withstand the collateral damage of their divine arts.

The sect was riddled with forbidden zones—most of which were merely the scarred remnants of sparring matches between these primordial titans. A junior cultivator lacking sufficient defensive layers would be instantly vaporized into a bloody mist just by brushing against the residual ambient qi.

When Senior Sister had first welcomed them, she had casually mentioned, “The sect’s infrastructure defies brief explanation; you may explore its parameters at your own pace.” Lu Yang had assumed she was just being lazy. Now, he realized the Dao Seeking Sect was literally too massive to comprehend without a lifetime of gradual exploration.

Following this terrifying logic, the Dao Seeking Sect itself was likely the stitched-together corpses of several flattened planets!

And yet, the Dao Seeking Sect occupied merely a fraction of the Central Continent. The true, ineffable scale of the landmass they stood upon defied all mortal geometry.

Branch Leader Chu’s voice took on a tone of biblical grandeur. “In the primordial epochs, the cosmos was seeded with thousands—nay, tens of thousands—of life-bearing stars. The exact census has been lost to the abyss of time.”

“When the ancient paragons achieved the Soul Formation stage, they shed their reliance on Dharma Treasures. They traversed the void of space, leaping from star to star using nothing but their own flesh and qi. The heavens were littered with the shattered husks of dead worlds—the mere collateral damage of their celestial disputes!”

“The sheer, unbridled prosperity of that golden age is enough to make one weep with longing. Countless myths were forged in the crucible of those stars; legions of supreme cultivators ascended to godhood.”

“When the titans of that era measured their martial prowess, their metric was the number of planets they could obliterate with a single palm strike. When they measured their political capital, they tallied the number of life-bearing worlds subjugated beneath their banners.”

“But when this cosmic prosperity reached its absolute zenith, an ineffable entity intervened. With a wave of his hand, he harvested the infinite heavens, smelting countless stars into a single, contiguous landmass. Life-bearing worlds and dead, silent rocks alike—none could escape the spatial collapse of his grasp.”

“The Central Continent thrums with boundless vitality because it was forged from the cores of the most vibrant, qi-rich planets!”

“The boundless Eastern Ocean? The liquefied remains of a star composed entirely of primordial waters.”

“The golden Buddhist kingdom to the West? Forged from the ashes of a dead, irradiated world.”

“The Southern Demon Domain and the Far Northern Lands share the exact same cosmic origin.”

Branch Leader Chu’s sermon shattered the trio’s worldview. The very dirt beneath their boots was the compressed, pulverized remains of celestial bodies.

It was a truth of staggering, cosmic horror.

“Who exactly possessed the administrative clearance to smelt the heavens?” Lu Yang asked, his voice deadpan despite the apocalyptic lore.

Branch Leader Chu shook his head. It wasn’t a matter of Lu Yang lacking the security clearance; the Branch Leader genuinely didn’t know. “Their true identity has been scrubbed from the cosmic records. But one thing is absolute: that entity was an Immortal!”

Such transcendent, reality-warping authority was far beyond the paygrade of even a Tribulation Transcendence master.

“Their motives for this celestial restructuring, and the exact operational methods employed, remain the universe’s greatest unsolved mysteries.”

Branch Leader Chu’s eyes darkened. “What we *do* know is that their methodology was brutally unrefined. There was zero regard for collateral damage. When you violently compress planetary bodies, what happens to the populations residing upon them? Even seasoned cultivators were crushed like insects in the spatial folds.”

“Survival wasn’t a matter of high cultivation. It was a statistical anomaly of pure, dumb luck!”

“The peerless geniuses and supreme overlords of that era attempted to mount a resistance. They were swatted into bloody mist, their souls forcibly evicted into the cycle of reincarnation.”

“It was only by the grace of the Indestructible Immortal, who intervened to shield the bulk of the human race, that our species avoided total liquidation.”

“Thus, the ultimate golden age was violently liquidated. For countless eons thereafter, the talent pool was utterly barren.”

“The current whereabouts of that entity are unknown, but they are absolutely not dead. With the dawn of a new great era, market trends suggest they will resurface. If they initiate another cosmic culling, who possesses the operational capacity to stop them?”

“Only the Indestructible Immortal!”

“Therefore, aligning with both our philanthropic duties and our core corporate interests, the resurrection of the Indestructible Immortal is our absolute highest priority!”

“The resurrection process requires the liquidation of a mere fraction of the population. If we fail to meet this quota, the entire human race faces a hundred percent chance of total market collapse!”

“It is utterly detestable how those ‘righteous’ factions parade around on their moral high ground. They fail to realize that the Immortal Cult are the true visionaries, making the hard sacrifices to ensure humanity’s long-term sustainability!”

Branch Leader Chu delivered this pitch with the absolute, unshakeable conviction of a CEO unveiling a world-saving paradigm shift. His eyes burned with visionary zeal.

From a macro perspective, they were committing mass murder to save the world. From a micro perspective, it gave them a perfectly optimized, guilt-free justification to slaughter whoever they pleased.

This was precisely why the Immortal Cult exclusively headhunted from the demonic path. This specific brand of disruptive logic was a perfect cultural fit for the sociopathic psychology of demonic cultivators.

Lu Yang maintained a perfectly neutral expression, though he was inwardly impressed. If one didn’t know any better, Branch Leader Chu’s TED Talk could genuinely convert a rational person into a fanatical shareholder of the Indestructible Immortal’s salvation project.

Of course, Lu Yang highly doubted this was the complete truth. He refused to believe the Dao Seeking Sect’s upper management was entirely ignorant of this ancient cosmic restructuring, nor did he believe his Senior Sister hadn’t already drafted a dozen contingency plans for it.

Meng Jingzhou raised a hand. “If the stakes are that high, why not propose a merger with the righteous path? Wouldn’t a joint venture drastically increase our success metrics?”

Branch Leader Chu let out a sharp, icy huff. “Who can guarantee that the entity who smelted the stars isn’t currently sitting on the board of directors within the righteous path?”

“Following extensive internal audits, our Cult Founder hypothesized that the entity is deeply embedded within the righteous establishment—either holding a senior position in the Five Great Immortal Sects or pulling the strings of the Great Xia Dynasty.”

“Why do you think the righteous path is so obsessed with promoting order and infrastructure? Isn’t it precisely to artificially inflate the cultivation demographics and drive up the Central Continent’s prosperity?”

“But what happens when the market peaks? Have you forgotten the catastrophic crash at the end of the ancient era?”

“It is highly probable that this entity treats life as a renewable crop. Once the population reaches optimal density, they will initiate another harvest!”

This apocalyptic conspiracy theory was the core corporate philosophy of the Immortal Cult.

Branch Leader Chu adjusted his collar, his tone sobering. “The stars you see hanging in the night sky? Optical illusions. If your cultivation reaches the threshold to pierce the exosphere, you’ll find they are nothing but residual light echoes from the primordial era. Theoretically, a few rogue assets might have slipped through the net, but the actual number of intact stars is statistically negligible.”

Branch Leader Chu had delivered this exhaustive orientation to ensure his new hires were fully aligned with the Cult’s core values. Judging by their shell-shocked expressions, the onboarding process was a resounding success.

“Alright, I realize this data dump is a lot to process. Return to your quarters and digest the paradigm shift.”

“Furthermore, your performance metrics during the three trials were exemplary. The branch is currently experiencing a severe staffing shortage, seeing as the majority of our workforce is currently ‘resting’ in the county dungeons. Since your cultivation has reached the Foundation Establishment stage, you meet the baseline requirements for middle management. After careful consideration, I am officially promoting you three to the rank of Deacon.”

Branch Leader Chu handed over three heavy, obsidian tokens—their official employee badges as Deacons of the Immortal Cult.

In truth, Branch Leader Chu had planned to fast-track them into management from the very beginning. Only Deacons possessed the necessary security clearance to access the cosmic lore he had just unveiled.

Branch Leader Chu offered a final piece of career advice. “By the way, when you have some downtime, I highly recommend networking with your fellow believers. I hear the catering in the county prison is sub-optimal. Smuggling them some decent rations would be an excellent team-building exercise.”

The demonic path was inherently self-serving, but its practitioners kept meticulous ledgers of debts and grudges. With the rank-and-file constantly engaging in cutthroat office politics, his role as Branch Leader was a logistical nightmare.

However, Branch Leader Chu wasn’t actually worried about his veteran subordinates hazing the new hires. He was profoundly worried that Lu Yang and his crew would simply liquidate the rest of the staff.

Lu Yang beamed, his smile radiating the polished, deadpan sincerity of a seasoned corporate sociopath. “We are all fellow brothers in the Cult. We will absolutely synergize our efforts and work tirelessly toward the resurrection of the Indestructible Immortal. Please rest assured, Branch Leader.”

For some inexplicable reason, hearing those words made Branch Leader Chu feel infinitely less assured.

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