Who Let Him Cultivate?

Who Let Him Cultivate?

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Synopsis

Lu Yang just wanted to be a badass sword immortal. Instead, his master made him bench-press water vats, fight with indestructible fried dough sticks, and practice deadly swordplay by carving raw tofu.

Transmigrating into the world’s most powerful—and objectively most unhinged—immortal sect, Lu Yang quickly realizes that traditional cultivation rules don’t apply to him. Armed with a mutated Sword Spirit Root, a tactical parachute (because he’s terrified of flying swords), and a group of equally eccentric friends, he completely derails every Xianxia trope in existence.

From poisoning skin-stealing ghosts with foot fungus to opening a wildly successful late-night BBQ shop just to spy on a demonic cult, Lu Yang proves one thing: giving a modern mind magical powers was a terrible mistake.

A hilarious, action-packed comedy that redefines the cultivation world!

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Chapter 47: The “Break” Technique

Pill Cauldron Peak.

“The most important lesson for us alchemists is to shatter the limitations of conventional thinking. A Pill does not necessarily need to enhance the physical strength of the consumer. Take, for example, my latest creation: the Ten-Bull Strength Pill.”

Wu Ming paced the front of the Pill Cauldron Lecture Hall, his voice echoing with the polished cadence of a seasoned scholar as he broke down complex alchemical principles into easily digestible concepts.

Below him, the newly inducted disciples scribbled furiously in their notebooks. Such profound alchemical theories were practically forbidden knowledge in the outside world.

Independent alchemists guarded their secrets with paranoid zeal, living by the old adage that “teaching the apprentice starves the master.” Learning the true Dao of alchemy out there was a grueling, treacherous path.

Pill Cauldron Peak, however, operated on a completely different wavelength. The seniors here were practically bursting at the seams to dump every wild theory and half-baked epiphany into the laps of their newly awakened Junior Brothers and Junior Sisters.

Where outside alchemists clung to tradition, preaching that “the methods of the ancestors are immutable,” Pill Cauldron Peak viewed tradition as a suggestion. Consequently, getting the outside world to understand their unique brand of genius was an uphill battle.

Seeing the sea of attentive faces, Wu Ming swelled with pride.

This recruitment cycle for the Dao Seeking Sect hadn’t just brought in the infamous five—Lu Yang, Meng Jingzhou, Man Gu, Tao Yaoye, and Li Haoran. It was simply that those five possessed such monstrous talent that they had completely stolen the spotlight, causing everyone to subconsciously overlook the rest of the fresh blood.

Beyond those five monsters, there were plenty of disciples with dual or triple spiritual roots, or those harboring unique, specialized skills. They were the future backbone of the Dao Seeking Sect. The ones currently hanging onto Wu Ming’s every word were the freshmen who had chosen to apprentice under Pill Cauldron Peak. They had been studying here for over a year, still blindly groping for the true essence of alchemy.

“Many cultivators have a nasty habit of popping pills mid-battle,” Wu Ming continued, holding up a finger. “They force their bodies to erupt with strength several times greater than their natural limit, using that sudden burst of power to catch their opponent off guard and snatch victory.”

He shook his head solemnly. “Victory is certainly good. But this barbaric method forces that multiplied strength to surge violently through the Meridians. Meridians are only so wide. Recklessly flooding them causes catastrophic tearing. In severe cases, it shatters the cultivator’s foundation entirely, crippling their future path.”

Wu Ming placed a hand over his heart. “Our sacred duty as alchemists is to heal and save lives. We must eradicate this self-destructive behavior.”

“To that end, I dedicated myself to rigorous research. I even visited a friend next door who is an Expert in summoning arrays. Finally, I developed the Ten-Bull Strength Pill.”

He held up a perfectly round, unassuming pill. “This Pill contains a microscopic summoning array. Upon consumption, it uses the cultivator’s body as an anchor to summon ten water buffaloes directly onto the battlefield to trample the enemy to death.”

A cute Junior Sister in the front row raised her hand, her eyes wide with genuine curiosity. “Senior Brother Wu, where exactly are these ten water buffaloes summoned from?”

Wu Ming offered a warm, grandfatherly smile. “From the sect’s spirit fields, of course.”

It was a well-known fact that most of the ingredients used in the sect’s canteens and restaurants were grown in the Dao Seeking Sect’s private spirit fields. Cultivating such high-grade spiritual rice and vegetables required incredibly strict standards for soil, fertilizer, and plowing methods.

The ones responsible for the heavy lifting in those fields were the Green-Eyed Water Buffalo tribe. They were a terrifyingly robust lineage, boasting immense physical power. Their ranks spanned from the Qi Refining stage all the way to the Nascent Soul stage, and they were even led by an ancient Buffalo King at the Soul Formation stage.

Rumor had it that when the Third Elder was young and hot-blooded, he had marched down to the spirit fields, shoved the buffaloes aside, and plowed the earth himself for an entire night just to burn off energy. Those very same buffaloes were the Green-Eyed Water Buffalo tribe.

Since the tribe’s favorite pastime was violently butting heads with one another, Wu Ming had simply approached them and asked if they wouldn’t mind being summoned into active combat zones. The buffaloes had enthusiastically agreed.

“As alchemists, you must learn to put yourselves in the shoes of the consumer,” Wu Ming instructed. “Ask yourselves: Why are they taking this Pill? Are there side effects? Is there a more efficient solution?”

Wu Ming had been so proud of his creation that he wrote a comprehensive thesis on the Ten-Bull Strength Pill and submitted it to Alchemy Fire, the most authoritative journal in the alchemical world. The editor-in-chief had been so utterly bewildered by Wu Ming’s unhinged logic that he immediately forwarded the manuscript to the leading journal in the summoning world.

It had just been successfully published.

Knowing his genius was perhaps a century too advanced for the average cultivator, Wu Ming had priced the Foundation Establishment-level Ten-Bull Strength Pill at a steep discount—a mere one hundred Contribution Points.

To put that into perspective, a single fried dough stick at the sect canteen cost one hundred and fifty Contribution Points.

He had even been thoughtful enough to write a crystal-clear description on the exchange registry: ‘Consuming it grants the strength of ten buffaloes.’

***

Back in the ruined mountain god temple, Lu Yang was trapped in a profound existential crisis.

If he called the Pill a fraud, he would be lying. It absolutely gave the consumer the strength of ten buffaloes. The description and the practical effect were a one-to-one match. There was zero false advertising.

But if he called the Pill a success, his sanity threatened to snap. Something about this was fundamentally, cosmically wrong.

Where was the flaw in the logic?

He rubbed his temples, a single bead of sweat rolling down his brow as he stared at the ten massive bovines now occupying the cramped temple.

The ten Foundation Establishment-stage water buffaloes were mountains of prime, well-fed muscle. The pungent stench of wet fur and damp earth filled the air as they lowered their horns, scraping their hooves against the stone floor. They charged the tiger demon in perfect, terrifying unison.

Faced with thousands of pounds of stampeding beef, the tiger demon’s half-step Golden Core cultivation meant absolutely nothing. Even a true Golden Core master wouldn’t dare stand in front of a literal freight train of horns and hooves. No matter how much the tiger prided itself on its physical might, it was a kitten compared to the raw, crushing mass of ten buffalo demons.

Once again, Pill Cauldron Peak proved a universal truth: they might be completely unhinged, but they never, ever messed up the medicinal efficacy. The ten summoned beasts were more than enough to crush the tiger.

Seeing the wall of muscle bearing down on their enemy, Man Gu and Meng Jingzhou unconsciously dropped their guard. The battle was over. The tiger demon was dead meat.

The tiger’s eyes bulged from its skull, its fur standing on end. It clearly recognized that it was about to be turned into a bloody smear on the floorboards.

If I’m going to die, I’m taking one of you with me!

At that exact moment, the mountain god temple, already groaning under the weight of the storm and the battle, finally gave up the ghost. A casual bump from a two-ton buffalo shattered a load-bearing pillar. With a deafening roar, the roof caved in.

Dust, debris, and torrential rain mixed into a blinding slurry, completely obscuring the battlefield.

The tiger demon seized the singular opening. Its four limbs coiled like springs, and it launched itself high into the air, completely clearing the heavy, earthbound buffaloes. It moved with the speed of a thunderbolt, its jaws snapping straight toward Lu Yang’s throat.

This human must die!

The buffaloes, built for crushing rather than jumping, couldn’t pivot their massive frames in time to intercept.

Meng Jingzhou and Man Gu shouted in alarm. Having relaxed their guard a second too soon, they were completely out of position. They couldn’t reach Lu Yang in time.

Panic gripped the ruins—except for Lu Yang. His eyes remained dead and calm.

He had expected this. A cornered beast was always the most lethal.

Lu Yang didn’t bother dodging. He simply activated the technique “Inch.”

In the blink of an eye, his body and the Qingfeng Sword shrank to a fraction of their size. The tiger demon’s massive jaws snapped shut on empty air, its momentum carrying it directly over him.

The moment the beast’s exposed underbelly passed overhead, Lu Yang canceled the technique, expanding back to his full height directly beneath the airborne predator. Azure Spiritual Qi surged down his arm, wrapping around the blade of the Qingfeng Sword until it coalesced into a blinding point of light at the tip.

“Break!”

Lu Yang unleashed the “Break” technique.

It was a lethal art he had learned at Heavenly Gate Peak, boasting the highest offensive penetration of any sword form in his arsenal. It was a trump card that instantly drained more than half of his Spiritual Qi, meaning he couldn’t afford to miss.

The Qingfeng Sword thrust upward, an unstoppable streak of azure light. It bypassed the tiger’s thick, armored hide and sank directly into the soft center of its abdomen—the singular weak point Lu Yang had identified during their earlier skirmish.

With a sickening shuck, the blade pierced straight through the beast’s organs, the blood-soaked tip erupting from its spine.

But Lu Yang wasn’t finished. He twisted his wrist, detonating the sword energy trapped inside the blade.

Thousands of hair-thin needles of azure Spiritual Qi exploded outward from within the tiger’s body. A horrific crackling sound, like a string of firecrackers detonating inside a sealed drum, echoed through the rain as the energy shredded the beast’s spine and shot straight up into its skull.

The tiger demon convulsed violently in mid-air. Blood sprayed from its eyes, ears, nose, and mouth before it crashed heavily onto the ruined floor, dead before it even stopped sliding.

Lu Yang exhaled a ragged breath, his knees trembling from the sudden Spiritual Qi drain. He leaned heavily against a broken wall, waving a tired hand to signal Man Gu and Meng Jingzhou to go help Lan Ting finish off the remaining demon.

Across the courtyard, the female tiger demon witnessed her mate’s gruesome death. Her eyes rolled back in pure, berserk fury. She abandoned all defense, throwing herself at Lan Ting in a suicidal frenzy that nearly overwhelmed the exhausted swordswoman.

But before Man Gu could politely step in to crush a skull, or Meng Jingzhou could unleash a flashy technique, the ten water buffaloes finally managed to turn their massive bodies around.

Seeing the female tiger demon distracted, the herd lowered their horns and charged.

The berserk tiger didn’t even have time to dodge. Ten Foundation Establishment buffaloes slammed into her simultaneously. There was a sickening crunch of bone, followed by the wet, heavy sound of hooves stamping down repeatedly. Within seconds, the female tiger demon was reduced to a bloody, unrecognizable smear mixed into the mud.

The battle was over.

Lan Ting stood frozen in the pouring rain, her sword hanging limply at her side. She opened her mouth to speak, then slowly closed it. She swallowed hard, staring at the ten buffaloes now peacefully chewing on some ruined temple weeds.

She decided right then and there that every bizarre, unhinged rumor she had ever heard about the Dao Seeking Sect was at least seventy percent true.

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