The Oldest Disciple: Farming Intimacy to Become Immortal

The Oldest Disciple: Farming Intimacy to Become Immortal

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Synopsis

At 78 years old, with one foot in the grave and zero achievements, Li Meng awakens a System that turns intimacy into immortality.

He has no time for meditation. He has no talent for swordsmanship. But in the infamous Joyous Union Sect, he has the perfect cheat code.

[Ding! System Activated.] [Core Mechanic: Convert physical contact with female cultivators into EXP.]

Holding Hands: +10 EXP.

A Passionate Kiss: +100 EXP.

Dual Cultivation (Going all the way): LEVEL UP!

Realizing his advantage, Li Meng discards his dignity to survive. He adopts the persona of a harmless, benevolent “Grandpa” figure to lower the guards of the sect’s beautiful yet dangerous women.

To the outside world, he is the kind-hearted “Wealth-Scattering Senior Brother.” In reality, he is a cunning old fox hunting for his next source of cultivation.

From the arrogant Senior Aunt to the innocent Junior Sister, Li Meng will help them solve their problems… in exchange for a night of “cultivation.”
Why read this?

Unique MC: An experienced, manipulative old man, not a naive teenager.

System Progression: Clear stats, alchemy mastery, and talisman crafting.

Harem Building: Gotta catch ’em all!

Weak to Strong: Defying death to stand at the apex.

Chapter 169 Golden-Armored Soldier

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The scholar’s face drained of all color, turning as white as a sheet of paper. His eyes bulged, as if recalling a nightmare made flesh.

“Tree roots… living tree roots!” Chen Nanfeng stammered, his voice trembling. “They churned through the soil like giant earthworms. Daoist… Daoist Priest, I fear we have stumbled into the lair of a Grandmaster monster!”

He stared frantically at the floorboards, then darted his eyes around the room. Panic seized him. He scrambled onto Li Meng’s bed, curling into a ball in the furthest corner, shivering violently.

Seeing the scholar’s pathetic state, a faint, amused smile played on Li Meng’s lips.

He approached the bed, sat down cross-legged, and closed his eyes to resume his meditation. His demeanor was as calm as a still lake.

“Stay here,” Li Meng said, his voice carrying a soothing authority. “As long as you do not leave this room, this humble Daoist guarantees you will walk out of this mansion alive tomorrow.”

“Th… thank you, Daoist Priest!”

Chen Nanfeng looked at Li Meng with tear-filled eyes. He grabbed the quilt and wrapped it tightly around himself. The night had suddenly grown very cold.

Knock, knock, knock!

The sharp rap on the door echoed like a thunderclap.

“Ah!”

The scholar shrieked, nearly jumping out of his skin. “Daoist! The… the monster is here!”

Li Meng opened one eye and cast a speechless glance at the shivering lump under the quilt.

How can someone so utterly spineless possess such astronomical Luck?

Li Meng uncrossed his legs, smoothed his robes, and walked to the door.

Click.

He pulled it open.

Standing in the hallway was the hunched, withered figure of the old maidservant.

“Daoist Priest,” she rasped, peering past him. “Is the young scholar from next door in your room? This old servant thought to bring him some wine to warm his bones, but his room was empty.”

Li Meng smiled effortlessly and took the porcelain wine pot from her claw-like hands.

“He is indeed here. No need to worry, Nanny. He found himself bored and wished to hear some strange tales from my travels. You know how scholars are—always curious about the unknown. I hope our conversation won’t disturb the Master’s rest?”

The old maidservant’s face cracked into a ghastly, skin-crawling smile.

“Is that so? No matter, no matter. Please, enjoy yourselves.”

She turned and shuffled away, her lantern swaying in the darkness.

Li Meng closed the door and returned to the bedside, the wine pot in hand.

“Daoist Priest… was that old woman a monster?” Chen Nanfeng whispered, peeking out from the quilt.

“There aren’t that many monsters in the world,” Li Meng replied, sitting down. “Do not trouble yourself with unnecessary worries.”

He produced two small cups and poured the wine. The liquid was clear, the aroma potent.

“Here. Drink this to calm your nerves.”

Chen Nanfeng stared at the cup Li Meng offered. Hesitation flickered in his eyes.

The wine came from that creepy old woman. Who knew what kind of filth was mixed in it?

“Rest assured,” Li Meng said, reading his mind. “It is a fine vintage. Very mellow.”

To prove it, Li Meng downed his own cup in one gulp.

It was strong, burning pleasantly on the way down. The taste was indeed excellent.

He poured another cup for himself, then refilled the first one and pushed it toward the scholar.

Seeing the Daoist drink without issue, Chen Nanfeng abandoned his hesitation. He grabbed the cup and drained it.

The fiery spirit rushed through his system. Visible color returned to his pale cheeks almost instantly.

“Well?” Li Meng asked, eyeing him with a grin.

The scholar nodded, smacking his lips. “It is indeed fragrant. I have tasted countless wines in my life, and this… this ranks in the top three. Good wine!”

Wine emboldens the timid. With the alcohol in his blood, Chen Nanfeng finally stopped trembling.

“Another cup!”

“Daoist Priest, allow me!”

The scholar snatched the pot from Li Meng’s hand and poured for both of them, his movements clumsy but eager.

“Daoist, come! This humble student toasts to you!”

Li Meng chuckled, stroking his beard. “Good! Tonight we have wine, so tonight we rejoice. Drink!”

Three cups later, the scholar’s eyes rolled back, and he collapsed onto the mattress, snoring softly.

Li Meng sat cross-legged, toying with his empty cup, his eyes narrowing slightly.

The scholar’s paranoia hadn’t been unfounded. The wine was indeed laced with a potent sleeping agent.

It wouldn’t kill them, of course. It was merely designed to ensure they slept through the night—so they wouldn’t see what was about to happen.

Li Meng set the cup down and turned his gaze toward the tightly closed window.

“They’re here.”

Outside, the atmosphere had shifted abruptly.

The rain had ceased. The oppressive dark clouds had vanished without a trace, leaving a bright, full moon to bathe the earth in silver light, dispelling the suffocating darkness.

High above the mansion, a figure descended, riding upon the clouds.

He wore golden armor that shone like the sun, suspending himself in the air with divine arrogance.

“Hmph. You dare ignore this Mountain God’s decree?” The Golden-Armored Soldier boomed, his voice shaking the air. “Today, this God shall eradicate this haunted dwelling and deliver you—you pair of wretched, ghostly lovebirds—to the afterlife!”

Golden light erupted from his body, purging the shadows clinging to the mansion.

Whoosh!

A mass of pitch-black mist surged up from the courtyard, hovering a hundred zhang away to confront the deity.

“Wei Zheng!” A voice roared from the mist, vibrating with indignation. “My husband and I have dwelt here for centuries. Have we ever harmed a single citizen of the Qi Kingdom? If not for us suppressing the Land of Yin Fiend Qi beneath Qiyun Mountain, would this land retain its spiritual vitality?”

The black mist swirled violently. “You are a newly appointed God. I could forgive you for not knowing the karma involved, but if you destroy this mansion, the Yin Fiend Qi will erupt! Mortals within a thousand li will suffer catastrophic plague and death! As a righteous God of Mountains and Rivers, you should be protecting the people. Why do you insist on committing such a sin?”

Wei Zheng sneered, leveling his golden spear at the mist.

“Without sin, where would the Merit come from?”

His voice was cold, dripping with bureaucratic malice. “The sin does not lie with me. It lies with you. You are the ones releasing the Yin Fiend Qi. You are the monsters. Tonight, this God will exterminate you and earn the gratitude of Wei County!”

“You go too far! I’ll fight you to the death!”

The black mist coalesced into a furious, distorted face and charged at the Golden-Armored Soldier.

“Hmph. Overestimating your own strength.”

Wei Zheng spun his spear with practiced ease. He caught the shaft backhanded and hurled it like a javelin.

The spear transformed into a blinding streak of golden light.

Boom!

It slammed into the black mist with the force of a falling meteor, dragging the entity down from the sky. The golden light drove the shadow relentlessly into the mansion below.

With a deafening crash, a building collapsed into rubble.

The golden spear stood upright amidst the debris, pinning a struggling, humanoid shadow to the ground. Under the intense golden radiance, the shadow began to sizzle and dissolve.

“Husband! I will save you!”

Crash!

The earth split open. A massive, writhing tree root burst from the ruins, flinging debris aside. It lashed out like a whip, coiling around the golden spear. With a mighty heave, it ripped the weapon from the ground and flung it away.

The entire mansion rumbled as dozens of gargantuan roots erupted from the soil, shooting toward the sky to strike the Golden-Armored Soldier.

“Wife, no! Stop!”

The black shadow in the ruins staggered to its feet. It was a vague, humanoid shape composed of shifting smoke.

“You must not leave the Yin Spring!”

“But Husband…”

“If you leave the Yin Spring, the Yin Fiend Qi will escape!” the shadow cried out desperately. “The karma and sin of that disaster will be forced upon us! We die either way, but we cannot let him win! We cannot give him the excuse!”

“Husband… I understand!”

The massive roots that were inches from striking Wei Zheng suddenly recoiled, retreating back into the earth.

High in the sky, Wei Zheng frowned.

Tch. Troublesome.

This ghostly couple wasn’t stupid.

If he killed them and the Yin Fiend Qi erupted, the karmic backlash would indeed fall on him. No amount of Merit from slaying ghosts could wash away the sin of causing a mass calamity. He needed them to cause the disaster so he could be the hero who cleaned it up.

Wei Zheng’s lips curled into a cruel grin.

“Fine. Let’s see how long you can hold on.”

He flipped his hand, and five pitch-black beads appeared in his palm. They pulsed with a sickening, chaotic energy.

The black shadow on the ground trembled. “Five Child Heart Devils? Wei Zheng! You are a righteous God! How can you use such vile sorcery?”

The Five Child Heart Devils were refined from the souls of infant girls born in a Yin year, Yin month, Yin day, and Yin hour. It was a forbidden, heretical art that ravaged one’s Yin Virtue.

“Their master is not me,” Wei Zheng said lightly.

He flicked his sleeve.

The five beads shot downward. In mid-air, they transformed into five monstrous, infant-sized ghosts with feral faces and razor-sharp claws, shrieking as they dove toward the mansion.

👑 The story continues!

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